I knew I would never update this blog as much as I update my daughters... but I didn't expect to wait an entire month. So here's what's been going on.
My cycle started right before Thanksgiving and before I could get too nervous I called my OB and made an appointment to discuss my "fertility issues". We decided to take the month off from trying since I was planning my daughter's 2nd birthday party and planning for Christmas... we also didn't want to end up pregnant when I started the testing.
I had my doctor's appointment this past Monday and we are chugging along full steam ahead! I really expected to be put on the back burner, since it is an OB practice... but my doctor was full of empathy, respect and positive thoughts and she was ready to get started!
On Tuesday I went in and did blood work for progesterone and my thyroid levels... I also ended up at my general practitioner with a sinus infection... FUN!
On Thursday my cycle started 4 days early! Whoa shortest cycle ever! And my daughter was diagnosed with swine flu. Ugh!
On Friday hubby dropped off his "sample" and I scheduled my Hysterosalpingogram (HSG)... if you want to know more about this procedure you can find out at http://www.ivf.com/hsg.html
Tomorrow I have my cycle day 3 draw to check estrogen and FSH and then on December 24th at 11am I'm headed in to do the HSG testing.
The amazing thing is that we are going to have A LOT more answers in 2 weeks then we did 2 weeks ago... What a Christmas blessing! I'm really looking forward to knowing more and hopefully conceiving a baby due on my dad's birthday (if we got pregnant this month) or my birthday (if I got pregnant the next).
God is truly in control of this situation... the testing has ended up being half the cost that we expected it to be ($75 for hubby's SA and $305 for the HSG all cash no insurance)! I was so stressed about doing this in the middle of the holidays, my daughter's birthday & building a new house... but the idea of my heart being settled and knowing where we stand is worth every cent!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Hitting You Smack in the Face...
When we were trying to get pregnant with Milla I didn't know anyone who was pregnant or who had small children. I worked in an office full of middle aged men and single sales girls and our friends were all of the "non-kid" variety. It became a very private journey for me.
I found an online home of women, most of who I still talk to on a daily basis and they are incredible. We were there for eachother through the stress of trying, the sorrow of loosing and the excitement of bringing our sweet children into the world.
My life is so completely different now. I know hundreds of moms with young children. I serve on the board of a large mom's league, I'm active in playgroups, I have the mom's from Milla's preschool class, from our new neighborhood and of course facebook has reconnected us all to so many people from our past.
So I am serious when I say that just about every day I find out someone I know is pregnant...
Seriously... today it was 2.
One night at craft club, it was 4...
This has got to be the hardest part of trying to complete our family. Some of these women I met while I was pregnant with Milla, we shared our entire pregnancy journies together and I loved sharing it with them. It is so hard to watch them get excited about pregnancy, something we once shared and not be on that journey with them.
Other friends I met when Milla was young and we shared our day to day lives, debating sleep schedules and feedings and attending playgroups together. Our babies grew into toddlers together and now those toddlers are big brothers and sisters. But mine is not.
These announcements (sometimes daily) send a tidal wave of emotion over me. Most of the time I feel like finding a small space to sit in and breathe and cry and pray... whether it's the bathtub, my closet, or most recently (with Milla) the shoe department at Nordstrom Rack... "Milla mommy just needs a minute to absorb what is happening"... she patiently sat with me looking at toddler shoes that sparkled.
I grieve each month of course when I realize it wasn't our month, but I also grieve with each pregnancy announcement, each gender ultrasound and each birth... not that I don't want these wonderful things for my friends, but because I wish I was sharing the journey with them.
I found an online home of women, most of who I still talk to on a daily basis and they are incredible. We were there for eachother through the stress of trying, the sorrow of loosing and the excitement of bringing our sweet children into the world.
My life is so completely different now. I know hundreds of moms with young children. I serve on the board of a large mom's league, I'm active in playgroups, I have the mom's from Milla's preschool class, from our new neighborhood and of course facebook has reconnected us all to so many people from our past.
So I am serious when I say that just about every day I find out someone I know is pregnant...
Seriously... today it was 2.
One night at craft club, it was 4...
This has got to be the hardest part of trying to complete our family. Some of these women I met while I was pregnant with Milla, we shared our entire pregnancy journies together and I loved sharing it with them. It is so hard to watch them get excited about pregnancy, something we once shared and not be on that journey with them.
Other friends I met when Milla was young and we shared our day to day lives, debating sleep schedules and feedings and attending playgroups together. Our babies grew into toddlers together and now those toddlers are big brothers and sisters. But mine is not.
These announcements (sometimes daily) send a tidal wave of emotion over me. Most of the time I feel like finding a small space to sit in and breathe and cry and pray... whether it's the bathtub, my closet, or most recently (with Milla) the shoe department at Nordstrom Rack... "Milla mommy just needs a minute to absorb what is happening"... she patiently sat with me looking at toddler shoes that sparkled.
I grieve each month of course when I realize it wasn't our month, but I also grieve with each pregnancy announcement, each gender ultrasound and each birth... not that I don't want these wonderful things for my friends, but because I wish I was sharing the journey with them.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Who we are...
So I decided to write our family/fertility history in a nutshell...
My name is Ashlee, I grew up in south Texas and came to DFW 15 years ago to attend UNT. I've stayed in the DFW area ever since.
My husband Roger grew up in Houston and moved to the DFW area about 5 years ago.
We were both previously married, but we didn't have kids in those marriages.
We met a few days after Valentine's Day in 2005. We met on match.com (first email on Valentine's Day) and our first date was at the Starbucks at Mockingbird Station. Coffee turned to lunch and browsing a couple of stores and I looked forward to our 2nd date right away.
A year and a day later we took a gaggle of friends to Las Vegas and got married.
Right after our 1 year anniversary we started trying to get pregnant and got pregnant with our daughter in April of 2007. We had only tried 3 months! My due date was December 26, 2007.
My pregnancy was uneventful until week 30... I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and put on immediate bedrest. I had weekly sonograms, daily blood pressure monitoring and 2 rounds of steroid shots to develop my daughters lungs.
Amelia Lynn Fort (Milla) was born on December 6, 2007 at 37 weeks. She was 6 pounds, 10 oz and perfect!
My blood pressure was not and I ended up needing to stay in the hospital for a few days until they could figure out medication that would help control it.
This past May we decided it was time to add on to our family. We have always known we wanted 2 children, it was just the timing we weren't sure about. We wanted our children at least 2 years apart and my doctor had declared me "very fertile" at my annual exam in February, so we got to work.
I'm a planner by nature so we didn't take this lightly. I jumped in with both feet and used the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (something I did when trying to concieve last time), temped, and all the other fun herbs and supplements that are suppose to help.
I was so surprised to see those negatives in May and June and July... by August I had just about lost hope and somehow NOW it's November!
We've officially been trying for 7 cycles.
I have watched friends who announced their pregnancies when we were starting to try in May and now have their sweet babies in their arms.
The desire to have a second child, to complete our family, to provide a sibling for sweet Milla, is almost too much for me to handle some days. I think back to when we were trying to get pregnant with Milla and how stressed out I was those 3 cycles... I can't imagine if God had given me this journey then... I don't know if I could have handled it.
Now at least I have her smile to keep me going, her busy toddler schedule to keep my mind from dwelling and her sweet spirit to keep my spirits lifted.
My name is Ashlee, I grew up in south Texas and came to DFW 15 years ago to attend UNT. I've stayed in the DFW area ever since.
My husband Roger grew up in Houston and moved to the DFW area about 5 years ago.
We were both previously married, but we didn't have kids in those marriages.
We met a few days after Valentine's Day in 2005. We met on match.com (first email on Valentine's Day) and our first date was at the Starbucks at Mockingbird Station. Coffee turned to lunch and browsing a couple of stores and I looked forward to our 2nd date right away.
A year and a day later we took a gaggle of friends to Las Vegas and got married.
Right after our 1 year anniversary we started trying to get pregnant and got pregnant with our daughter in April of 2007. We had only tried 3 months! My due date was December 26, 2007.
My pregnancy was uneventful until week 30... I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and put on immediate bedrest. I had weekly sonograms, daily blood pressure monitoring and 2 rounds of steroid shots to develop my daughters lungs.
Amelia Lynn Fort (Milla) was born on December 6, 2007 at 37 weeks. She was 6 pounds, 10 oz and perfect!
My blood pressure was not and I ended up needing to stay in the hospital for a few days until they could figure out medication that would help control it.
This past May we decided it was time to add on to our family. We have always known we wanted 2 children, it was just the timing we weren't sure about. We wanted our children at least 2 years apart and my doctor had declared me "very fertile" at my annual exam in February, so we got to work.
I'm a planner by nature so we didn't take this lightly. I jumped in with both feet and used the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (something I did when trying to concieve last time), temped, and all the other fun herbs and supplements that are suppose to help.
I was so surprised to see those negatives in May and June and July... by August I had just about lost hope and somehow NOW it's November!
We've officially been trying for 7 cycles.
I have watched friends who announced their pregnancies when we were starting to try in May and now have their sweet babies in their arms.
The desire to have a second child, to complete our family, to provide a sibling for sweet Milla, is almost too much for me to handle some days. I think back to when we were trying to get pregnant with Milla and how stressed out I was those 3 cycles... I can't imagine if God had given me this journey then... I don't know if I could have handled it.
Now at least I have her smile to keep me going, her busy toddler schedule to keep my mind from dwelling and her sweet spirit to keep my spirits lifted.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Our Road to Baby Two...
I once read on a woman's infertility blog that she started the blog to try to compartmentalize everything she was going through while struggling with infertility, one place to let it all out. The emotion she was feeling was seeping into every area of her life.
That's where I'm at.
Everywhere I look my world is filled with rounded bellies and overwhelmed new moms and I try so hard to be happy for these sweet friends, but each new pregnancy sends me to tears, each baby born gets a little bit harder to hold.
I am trying to give the entire situation over to God. I am no longer on my desired time line, I am on His and I accept that. God and I have always had long conversations about patience, it has never been my strongest of virtues and he continues to try to teach me to rely on him in the hard times and to trust in him that He has a plan for me and my family.
Hopefully this blog will give me a place to vent about my daily frustrations through this journey to complete our family and I continue to pray that eventually it will become a pregnancy journal. The journal of our...
Road to Baby Two...
That's where I'm at.
Everywhere I look my world is filled with rounded bellies and overwhelmed new moms and I try so hard to be happy for these sweet friends, but each new pregnancy sends me to tears, each baby born gets a little bit harder to hold.
I am trying to give the entire situation over to God. I am no longer on my desired time line, I am on His and I accept that. God and I have always had long conversations about patience, it has never been my strongest of virtues and he continues to try to teach me to rely on him in the hard times and to trust in him that He has a plan for me and my family.
Hopefully this blog will give me a place to vent about my daily frustrations through this journey to complete our family and I continue to pray that eventually it will become a pregnancy journal. The journal of our...
Road to Baby Two...
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