Another Red Light...

First an update from the last post. All my testing came back "normal". No infections, AMH was in the "normal" range, though it did seem rather low. So we are still classified as unexplained fertility.

Back to today...

It's amazing to me when you wake up in the morning and you think your day is going to go one way and then it goes a totally different course. These are the moments that we will remember, not the day after day of wondering whether or not we will have a second child, not the general longing, but the defining days. Like today. Yesterday I started my cycle and I was so excited to finally start the IUI process. I went in this morning for a baseline ultrasound and my right ovary is covered in 3 large cysts.

When you have cysts this big, you cannot take clomid or femora or anything like that. The answer is to either let them dissolve naturally or drain them. In other words, a cancelled IUI.

I was shuffled into a waiting room while Dr. K reviewed the ultrasound and finally I was told that I was not a candidate for IUI this month, instead their recommendation was that I do birth control pills to help the cysts dissolve.

After lots of tears, my heart told me to not do the birth control pills and his office supported my decision, here are all the reasons I came up with:

1) At my scan 2 weeks ago my ovaries were covered in cysts, we are now down to 3, so I believe they will disolve on their own without drugs.

2) Birth control makes my body crazy! It took me years to loose the weight I gained while I was on them and I don't want to deal with that.

3) I feel God urging me to give him one more chance. Maybe that's me just grasping at straws, but surely He is a miracle worker and there is absolutely no reason He cannot do this.

So we will wait another month to do IUI and hopefully the cysts will dissolve on their own. If not, we will push on and wait another month. We will try on our own and pray for God's healing and blessing. I have a friend who works for a chiropractor, so I will go see him and see if he can "realign" my repoductive system (I was seeing a chiropractor when I got pregnant with Milla).

I have faith, I believe in miracles and I believe that all of these setbacks truly happen for a reason. I cannot wait to sit at the end of this path and look back and say "oh I understand now". That will be a glorious day!